When my husband caught me talking to a "friend" on the phone, it wasn't long before he was asking for a divorce. I wasn't actually cheating on him, not physically anyway. The thought of a divorce really scared me. We had been together for 11yrs and had a 5 yr old daughter together. We owned rental property together. I had just become licensed as a registered nurse. He owned his own business. I wish I knew then what I know now. I'm remarried now and have another daughter who just turned 1 yr old.

My divorce advice to you:
1. Don't rush to sign any divorce papers.
2. Do lots of research.
3. Make sure that it's what you both really want.
4. Never give up physical custody of your child. This is not something that can be fixed easily.
5. Don't give up your belongings.
6. Fight for everything you can get. The ex-husband won't appreciate anything that you do for him. He will just brag about what he did to you during the divorce.

I did not get a lawyer. I signed the papers that he gave me. Why did I do this? Because I had no money. I also was tired of him and wanted out to pursue my happiness elsewhere. He also told me he had pictures of me with my "friend". I agreed to hand over all the rental property to him. I agreed to share physical custody of my child with me paying for her medical and dental insurance.

Right now, our child is eleven. She is very unhappy with her life. She stays at my house for a week and then she returns to her father's home for a week. It has been a hard battle to deal with. Its very hard to keep up with what is going on with her schoolwork and just what is going on in her life. I don't think she feels that she actually has a place to call home. Although the divorce papers said that neither of us should talk bad about the other, lets get realistic.

My child kept coming home to tell me how her dad said I ruined our family. There is nothing more that my eleven-year-old would rather do now than live with me full time. The only problem is, I would have to hire a lawyer and request a modification of custody. This is not as easy as it sounds. You must prove that your home is better. It will also cost me thousands of dollars that I don't have. I have tried to talk to my ex-husband to see if we could work this out on our own. This will not happen in my lifetime. He still has hard feelings towards me.

Financially, I'm struggling. My new husband was fired from his job 2 yrs ago and has not returned to work yet. I provide for my two children and my husband all by myself. If I had been thinking clearly, I would probably be set financially. I realize now that I should have talked to a lawyer. I realize now that being nice to my ex-husband was not beneficial to me or to my child in the long run.